A rare moment for our girl… sitting with “typical” friends at a flag salute.
a smile, a moment of relative comfort.
Typical vs. Special Needs.
Intellectually Delayed, and it’s getting worse.
It all feels like a really dark shadow…
like there is a blue sky above, yet the dark clouds continue to shadow it’s glorious shining.
minutes after this picture was taken, Maggie was shoved in the stomach by a Special Needs student who was upset and took it out on Maggie. As her mother, I felt rage and anger and hurt. I wanted to scoop her up, take her home and physically protect her from this world.
It is like this little butterfly is still a caterpillar. Like she is stuck on the ground, wrapped in tight green wrappings. Unable to soar, unable to fly, unable to break free.
The stress and anxiety are clear… especially when she comes home looking like this. Her little body doesn’t know how to live in this world sometimes. She pulls at her hair when she’s bored, or nervous or scared. Not sure which is most overwhelming for her right now.
But I tell you that my heart is breaking…
A butterfly waiting to fly… desperately wanting to be beautiful and vibrant… to soar above God’s creation in the beauty of flight… with God’s love as the wind beneath her precious little wings.
but today it feels hopeless.
it feels unreachable, this side of heaven.
And it hurts. a lot.
Romans 5:3-4
3 And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, 4 endurance produces proven character,
and proven character produces hope.
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Walking through the shadows…
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4 comments:
This is beautiful Heidi, raw and beautiful. Your honesty is refreshing, and your aching heart bleeds through your words. Thank you for sharing. My prayers for you will be more specific and pointed because you shared. And as the days are up and down, know that God sees and hears it all. He loves Maggie more than you do (can't imagine, huh), and He is working for your good and His glory. Love you friend!
My heart is aching for you, precious Heidi, and for our beautiful little Maggie. Like you, I would just love to scoop her up in my arms and cradle
her forever. It's my everyday prayer that she be able to adapt to her new class and feel accepted by her classmates. Maggie was created by God and He is with her every step of this journey - and with you and Eric as you love her and guide her everyday. Love you, my dear daughter-in-love.
Heidi, you mother's heart, you raw pain for her, gave me such a vivid glimpse of the Father's heart for us. And His heart for you and your beloved Maggie. No one can truly understand the depth of your pain, and your ongoing anguish for her unless they walk in your shoes. I remember when she was small how you frequently expressed feelings of blessing for being Maggie's mother. The song "Blessings" by Laura Story comes to mind right now. Maggie is blessed to have you and Eric for her parents (I think I remember that being your husband's name). She has been blessed with amazing family around her who obviously support her and love her, as I read through the other comments here. I think of you from time to time, still, and pray that you are all doing OK, that Maggie is still growing and learning, and reaching the potential that God has created her for. He has a plan for her life, and reason He created her for. He will hold her life in His perfect plan.
Your friend in Canada,
Su-Ann
What a BLESSING this precious gift{Miss Sunshine is to our family and to other. Thank You GOD for your gift!!
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