Just breathe….

Look at the gorgeous hazel eyes… she is such a mix of sugar AND spice!

Sometimes it hits me like a train, and other times like a dodge ball to the tummy.

Today I had another IEP meeting for my little Butterfly.  This time it was to discuss the results of her Adaptive PE assessment.  She was referred for assessment to determine her level of gross motor skills.

The results in a nutshell:
Appropriate age-5 years old in locomotor skills and age 3 in object control.

She is 7 1/2 years old.

I am not complaining, not by a long shot.  I just need to breathe through these moments.  I never knew what her life would look like, but I never expected terms like Special Needs and Assisted Living…. I never expected that at the age of 3 she would be technically labeled at the age of 9 months.

I know that my Butterfly is not like other children her age.  I know that she is severely delayed cognitively and developmentally.  Now I know that is very delayed in locomotor and object control.  I was also given advice of getting her on a local sports team, for Special Needs Children.

Every once in a while these words, terms, numbers and data hit me hard…
and I just need to breathe. 

I love my Butterfly, more than I can handle sometimes, and I will love her the rest of  my life with all of my heart!  I will be her biggest fan and I will try NOT to get in the way of  what God plans to do through her life.

I just need to take a breath first…. then I am ready to go!

A new year…

2nd Grade, here we come…

If I am being honest here, which I am… I will admit that I am scared, nervous and very sad.
I have been told that I am brave and an encouragement to others in how I appear to handle our situation with our butterfly.  I am thankful that I can do that for others, and if God is working through my weaknesses to help encourage others… then all Glory to God!

But I feel tired and weak…. and I feel helpless in helping my daughter while she is out of my care.

She is in a Special Education class again, and attends the typical 2nd Grade classes when it’s appropriate.  From what the teachers and tests tell me, this will be her life until she reaches adult age….. and, well…. that’s just too far for my heart to go right now.

I know the plans for our butterfly’s life are already known by God… and that is the only place I find rest in my heart.  She is a fragile soul that is as spunky as can be!  She’s fire and she’s ice… and her daily life is such a mystery to me.  That’s a hard place to find rest as her mother….

I am praying that this year brings development beyond imagination,
so that my little April Butterfly can spread her wings and fly!!!

Happy Birthday my Butterfly!

Seven years you have been in my heart…

Seven years you have been sharing God’s love through your life…
and I am forever thankful that I get to feel your hugs, your kisses and that I get to hold your heart!

One Step at a Time.

This beauty will turn 7 in just a few short weeks!

So many thoughts run through this momma's head... as I take one step at a time.

Developmental delays, Special Education, inconsistency in meeting IEP goals, mis-understood emotions, growing in size but not in developmental milestones, spit-fire determination!
These are the words that go through my heart as I think about my butterfly... yet they don't define Maggie. She is a wonder... God's wonder. And that is where I find my joy in this lady... she was made by God, for God, and I am just the lucky one who gets to be called her mother.

There are so many days that I lay myself to sleep feeling beat down, defeated and just plain tired. Most of the reasons I feel that way is because it is hard to parent this special little butterfly. She is Love. God's love. Yet being her parent is just plain difficult. Nothing is typical with Maggie... nothing. From her pain level, to her response to her peers or siblings, or how she reponds to fear or frustration... it is all unknown to me, and it is tiring.

Yet, I have the blessed priviledge of getting to step back at times and SEE how God is working through her life. She is Love. God's Love. I don't think there are many people who have come in contact with my butterfly that wouldn't describe her as Love. God's love. Her hugs and big toothless smile will be the first thing to greet most people. And that makes others feel loved, like a hug from God with skin!

I am her mother, but I am usually the last one to receive this love from her. It does hurt, because I think I need that hug from her.... but in another way I know in my heart that it is NOT about me! This love that Maggie has been given to give away is priceless... it is a gift from God to those she gives it to... and I am not about to get in her or His way.

But I tell you this... no matter what words might flood my mind when I think of Maggie... no matter what level of pain I might endure in a day, I will always be here for her and when I do get a true Maggie hug, I melt.

I melt away and ache for Heaven all the more!