Every day it hurts a little bit, and I am just being honest.
You are making such amazing progress in life...
and I don't want to lose focus on that fact!
You are Maggie... God's wonderful creation!
You have a purpose for His Kingdom.
I know you are wonderfully and fearfully made.
But it's the day to day life that can be hard... and that's what still hurts.
Your Kindergarten report card shows "N's" all over the place. Even though YOU have made wonderful and even amazing progress, you still have the "N's" in your life.
You "N"eed improvement to be typical.
But you aren't typical.
You are behind.
Even though you've made such wonderful progress
you are still very far behind typical.
I type this through tears of feeling tired and uncertain.
I know that you are amazing!
Your life was known even before you took your first breath
and you bless others, just by being you!
I love you, Maggie... more than I can even understand.
There is no question about that.
But walking this journey in life as your mother
is a lonely process... no one really understands,
and that's the part that still hurts.
12 comments:
What an honest heartfelt post! I'm bracing myself for this kind of scenario. My 2 year old with hypotonia is still years away from kindergarten and I do worry how all this will pan out in the future.
I read a poem the other day that this post reminded me of. It was the expression of what it is like being a parent of a child that is not "typical". The pregnancy is like a flight/trip to France - only you land in Holland - but why are you in Holland when you had all the plans made for France? Then you realize, Holland is its own special place, slower paced, yet beautiful.. uncertain bc you didn't make an itinerary...
..all your friends talk about France, but no one seems to know what it's like to visit Holland. Sometimes you can't help but wonder what happened to the flight you planned for - just then, something brings u back to the beauty of Holland and you r reminded that if u had landed in France u wld hve missed the beauty of Holland - I love Holland but often wonder if we will ever visit France ;-)
You are NOT alone and I know what you're going through.... Wishing you and Maggie continued strength.
Lorraine
Mom to 3 three old boy with undiagnosed hypotonia/delay
Thank you for sharing your heart. I think you are an excellent mom with an amazing love for your children. That, in itself, is worth more than any "perfect" report card.
I write this through tears in my tears...."N" means to Maggie....."Never say Never" I remember when everyone thought she would never utter a word......NEVER SAY NEVER to Maggie. You are the MOST AMAZING MOM I know......one of which I could stand to emmulate more often. I love you soooo much Heidi!!!! Thank you for sharing your heart.....you and Maggie are precious!!!!
I completely understand! My 6 year old is also hypotonic and is "technically" a 4 year old mentally and physically. Its hard, but his spirit keeps me going. Hang in there!
Heidi, the feelings in your words brought tears to me. I pray for God's encouragement for these tough day to day life stuff. You are such a great mommy, and I know in His report card you'd get all "O"s
Much love to you!
Maggie you are the SUNSHINE in our lives.
Always our LOVE and support, Grandpma &Grandpa
I LOVE the poem, KClegs..
I recently found your blog and wanted you to know that it has given me so much hope and encouragement, and more importantly lets me know I'm not alone in my daily struggles. I have a 5 year old son who is hypotonic with no other diagnosis. We are starting the transition process from early special education to our neighborhood grade school for kindergarten next year and it terrifies me. He is delayed in just about every aspect, about 1-2 years behind. Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I understand. Reading your blog was like a mirror into my own soul. Thank you for being so transparent and open. My son is seven, repeating K5, getting report cards full of "N's," trudging through every therapy available, and on it goes. But I rest assured in one thing....ONE DAY...our children, and us for that matter, will trade our crosses in for a crown. I want to say to you, don't quit. Don't give up. Our Lord is faithful to complete what he has started. Thank you for sharing your life with us. The Lord used your blog in these early hours of the morning to bring me comfort and encouragement and it ministered to my spirit.
That's beautiful.
I live in England and I was just wondering what does N stand for?
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