“We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it…”
Well, I think that “Bridge” has come… and we have crossed it.
The Bridge of Reality.
Not that it’s a bad thing, at all… but it is a bridge I wasn’t sure I could cross.
You see, over the early years of Maggie’s school we had been given hope.
Hope that she’ll “catch up”… hope that she’ll do fine, given early intervention!
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Preschool years…
”Get her early intervention… most children with developmental delays will reach their typical milestones by 1st grade and they will catch up with their peers… just get them that early intervention!”
And those early years were terrible for me… her mother… the one who planned to keep my kids home until Kindergarten. The one who knew that I could provide a safe and nurturing environment at home, where I could shelter and love and hug and kiss…. and control.
Sending her away to preschool was NOT in my plan. But they were a good few years for Maggie because she learned how to cut with scissors (something I would have NEVER done with her at home… it was too scary) She learned to become a bit more independent and able to interact with her peers a bit better.
Then came Kindergarten!!!
”The team feels that Maggie would do wonderfully placed in a regular Kindergarten class, with minimal support for letter formation and speech.”
WooHoo!!! Here we go… this is what we heard would happen! Typical life, here we come!!!
But that dream wouldn’t last long…
About mid-December, she seemed to hit her academic plateau. She has learned a great amount, and thanks to an AMAZING Kinder teacher, she reached many milestones that we weren’t sure she would master.
Everything seemed to stop there.
And then came the words… Special Day Class.
The team felt that given her academic discrepancies, the SDC classroom would better fit her learning delays.
She adored participating in plays with her typical peers in her first grade year, but it was becoming more and more apparent that academically she was falling behind.
For her 3rd and 4th grade years, we felt that a homeschool environment would help her gain some ground…given her sensitivity to social environments and the physical outbursts that some of her classmates were displaying, we thought that if her environment felt safer and less stressful, that her learning and academics would have a chance to bloom!
While all of that was true, the truth was even clearer… and God was presenting me with many opportunities to say, “Okay God, I am ready to cross that bridge.”
It wasn’t until I felt the utter depths of no hope for Maggie that I felt God leading me and saying… “It’s okay to cross that bridge because I have already gone before you and I will help you walk every step!”
So, we have crossed the bridge, literally… into the Bridge Class at school.
Vocational training in hopes that Maggie may one day have a job. Vocational training so her skills for life will be strong, in hopes that she might someday live on her own. Appropriately low academic learning so that she might someday write her name on her own. Appropriately low academic learning so that Maggie might someday be able to add and subtract independently.
This is the bridge we have crossed.
It has taken me a few weeks… but it is becoming more and more okay within my soul.
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Maggie will still continue to build and have friendships with her typical and SDC friends.
And she will also have the opportunity to share the love God has specifically given her, and her alone… with a new group friends and aides in the Bridge class.
I know I will probably travel this bridge many times… back and forth from typical land to the land of the intellectually delayed. And this journey will lead me to my knees on a whole new level. I will choose to lean on the strength and understanding of the Lord. I will choose to say it is well with my soul because it is the life God has chosen for me.
“Dear God, please continue to help me see your strength and your grace so that I may love your child well. It will be by your power alone that this sweet life is a blessing to others. Please help me not to get in the way. And Lord, when I am uncomfortable and unsure, please give me the understanding of your love to face each and every day.”
To God be all the honor and glory of this one’s precious life!
Monday, November 9, 2015
Crossing that “Bridge”
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Walking through the shadows…
A rare moment for our girl… sitting with “typical” friends at a flag salute.
a smile, a moment of relative comfort.
Typical vs. Special Needs.
Intellectually Delayed, and it’s getting worse.
It all feels like a really dark shadow…
like there is a blue sky above, yet the dark clouds continue to shadow it’s glorious shining.
minutes after this picture was taken, Maggie was shoved in the stomach by a Special Needs student who was upset and took it out on Maggie. As her mother, I felt rage and anger and hurt. I wanted to scoop her up, take her home and physically protect her from this world.
It is like this little butterfly is still a caterpillar. Like she is stuck on the ground, wrapped in tight green wrappings. Unable to soar, unable to fly, unable to break free.
The stress and anxiety are clear… especially when she comes home looking like this. Her little body doesn’t know how to live in this world sometimes. She pulls at her hair when she’s bored, or nervous or scared. Not sure which is most overwhelming for her right now.
But I tell you that my heart is breaking…
A butterfly waiting to fly… desperately wanting to be beautiful and vibrant… to soar above God’s creation in the beauty of flight… with God’s love as the wind beneath her precious little wings.
but today it feels hopeless.
it feels unreachable, this side of heaven.
And it hurts. a lot.
Romans 5:3-4
3 And not only that, but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, 4 endurance produces proven character,
and proven character produces hope.
Wednesday, August 12, 2015
A New Adventure
Fortune cookie says, “Anyone can “start”, only the thoroughbred can “finish!”
We will finish this race my “thoroughbred” butterfly!!!
Back to School for you my Butterfly!
Maggie wanted desperately to be “back in school”… so here we are!
I know the Lord has gone before us… and I pray for peace in whatever storm may come.
Sunday, May 31, 2015
Open House, California Style
Happy California Day to my sweet, sweet girl!
Wednesday, April 1, 2015
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Hope Again
When Maggie’s Academic Instructor said to me in a meeting, “Well, yes… this will help with her dyslexia.” I said, “Wait a minute… I’ve never heard that diagnosis with Maggie before. You think she is dyslexic?” The instructor said, “Well, yes. Of course she is.”
hmmmmm……
Well, what is a mother to do, but begin researching what dyslexia is, what is means for Maggie and if there help out there. I have found hope again!!!!
You see, when you have a child with many dysfunctions and many a paper describing her as severely delayed, you can feel very lost without a direction to move through life. So she can’t write many words from memory…. what else can we do to help her? So, she still can’t remember her touch points on math… what else can we do to help her? So, she forgets the difference between a plus and minus sign…. what ELSE can we do to help her? So, she still has fine motor skill trouble with her writing, lacking the ability to always form her letters in the lines correctly… WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO TO HELP HER??!!!!
So, she is severely delayed in typical milestones…. now what!
Well, when I get a direction to move in, I jump in head first, without hesitation, because having a direction is HOPE!. HOPE that she will be able to learn in her own way….. HOPE that I won’t just spend my days spinning the wheel of teaching… HOPE that she will be able to celebrate her learning without having to have spent e.v.e.r.y l.a.s.t o.u.n.c.e of energy trying to complete a given task.
“Dyslexia is an auditory/language problem, visual/perceptual problem,
and often also a visual/motor (eye/hand) problem.”
”Many times these children are not reading or reading at least two years behind grade level. They write almost no sentences from memory since their right, visual hemisphere is not storing words efficiently (copying a sentence is not considered writing). Transposing numbers (19/91) is not considered dyslexia. When a child reverses letters or numbers, even if only once in a while, you know that there is stress in the writing system—the child has to think about the direction of the letters rather than the content of the writing. I always take reversals (reading and writing) seriously past the first grade. One way to eliminate them is with Brain Integration Therapy exercises. “
Auditory Dyslexia
- Difficulty learning the names of alphabet letters when in kindergarten.
- Spelling has no phonetic pattern to it (“Tuesday” = “Tunday”).
- Sounds out all words, including sight words (“many,” “could,” “these”).
- Little memory of words just read in a previous sentence.
- Sounds out the letters in a word but can’t put it into a whole (b-a-t).
- Memorizes stories but can’t remember the same words in another story.
- Phonics rules are not applied in the reading context.
Visual Dyslexia
- In reading, reverses whole words sometimes (“on” = “no,” “was” = “saw”)
- Regularly reads “big” as “dig.”
- Very slow, labored reading. Often takes a deep breath.
- Reads at least a year below grade level.
- Scrambles letters in a word, reading “left” as “felt.”
- Says that words wiggle when he or she reads.
- Reads a word from the line above and adds to the present line.
Visual/Motor Dyslexia (Dysgraphia)
- Reverses letters or numbers in writing.
- Letters not written below the line (“g” and “y” for example).
- When writing the alphabet, will ask “What does that letter look like?”
- Cannot write words from memory.
- Copying words is labor intensive, like replicating art work.
- Hates to write.
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Our Butterfly, described almost exactly!!!!
So, here we go…. another brain therapy to research and implement!
Oh, sweet little butterfly…. your brain what beautifully and wonderfully made… and God loves you! My prayer is that we can help you train your brain to work side by side (hee hee, right hemisphere/left hemisphere!!!) I want you to be able to do all that YOU can do… because I know your heart desires more… we just need to get your brain to help you do that!
HOPE!
